Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded. (Jess Lair).
Active parenting encompasses a spectrum of styles, from authoritative to permissive, each driven by a desire to do what’s best for our children. Often, we find ourselves defaulting to the parenting styles we experienced ourselves, yet we have the freedom to choose a path that suits our teen’s needs. I personally advocate for the authoritative approach, which blends well with active parenting ideals. Authoritative parents set clear boundaries while allowing flexibility and independence within those limits. Discipline is more supportive than punitive, fostering self-control and self-reliance in children. How does all this blend together, and how do I implement this into parenting? Here is one answer:
Communication is key in active parenting and is the relationship in any situation. Regular and open conversations with your teen are essential. Instead of immediately offering your input, focus on asking questions that deepen your understanding of their thoughts and feelings. By actively listening and showing genuine interest, you create a space where your teen feels heard and valued, strengthening your bond and their sense of security. We all want to be heard and communication is the way in which we do so. To ignore your teen’s feelings, thoughts or criticism breaks down communication and will erode the relationship, so take the time to listen with an open heart and to dig for the message and build trust and the relationship.
Setting boundaries goes beyond laying down rules; it involves ongoing discussion and adaptation as your teen matures. Establish clear and consistent expectations, and collaborate with your teen to understand why these boundaries are important. Discussing consequences upfront when boundaries are set helps minimize misunderstandings and frustration. It also teaches accountability and mutual respect, laying a foundation for responsible decision-making. The discussion on boundaries and consequences invites and encourages a dialogue where you and your teen can create the boundary and consequence that are acceptable and relevant to the situation. Does grounding your teen after they have failed a test help? Would a discussion on the why behind the grade and the way forward be more productive and supportive for your teen and help build the relationship?
Encouraging independence is vital for your teen’s growth. Allow them the space to make decisions and learn from their experiences. While guidance and support are crucial, empowering your teen to take responsibility fosters confidence and critical thinking skills. Allowing them to navigate challenges on their own, with your guidance from the sidelines, builds resilience and prepares them for adulthood. It is important for your teen to be allowed to “fail” and then have to navigate through that failure. The best learning opportunity comes when we are uncomfortable and growing. Independence is about growing, making decisions and understanding that the consequences may not always be what you had thought or hoped.
Being present in your teen’s life is more than just physical presence; it’s about prioritizing meaningful time together. Attend their events, participate in their interests, and engage in activities they enjoy. Show them that they are a priority by dedicating uninterrupted time to connect and bond. These moments not only strengthen your relationship but also provide opportunities for your teen to share their joys, concerns, and aspirations with you. Time once spent is lost, never to be regained. Not making your teen the priority will eventually lead to not being included in their life. I have heard parents say, “I did not know (fill in) about my teen or I did not know my teen was a part of (fill in). No parent wants to know that their teen accomplished the winning soccer goal that allowed the team to go to the state championship game from someone else. As a parent you want to be present to witness that moment.
Active parenting involves promoting healthy habits, not just for physical health but for mental and emotional well-being as well. Encourage a balanced lifestyle that includes nutritious eating, regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and ways to check in on emotional and mental health. Modeling positive behavior is perhaps the most impactful way to teach your teen important values and skills. Demonstrate the behaviors and attitudes you want your teen to emulate, such as handling stress effectively, resolving conflicts constructively, and maintaining healthy relationships. Model self-care by incorporating it into your routine and encouraging your teen to do the same. Starting these habits early sets a foundation for lifelong wellness and teaches your teen the importance of taking care of themselves in all aspects of life. Self-care is often neglected by parents, but it is necessary to change that dynamic and teach our teens how to care for their entire bodies. By modeling these behaviors consistently, you provide your teen with a powerful example to follow, shaping their own approach to challenges and interactions with others.
Last, fostering critical thinking is crucial in today’s information-saturated world and one area we need to vigilantly focus on with our teens. Encourage your teen to question and analyze information critically. Discuss current events, media content, and diverse perspectives to broaden their understanding of complex issues. By engaging in these conversations, you help them develop the skills needed to navigate and make informed decisions in an increasingly interconnected global society.
Active parenting and the use of the authoritative parenting style isn’t just a set of guidelines; it’s a dynamic approach that evolves with your teen’s growth. By actively engaging in these practices, you enrich their development, nurture their independence, and strengthen your relationship. Each interaction shapes their character and prepares them for the challenges ahead. Embrace these opportunities to enhance your parenting toolkit and deepen your bond with your teen.