Conversations are an essential tool in developing strong critical thinking skills. (Desiree Panlilio).
The teen years are a time of rapid emotional development. Teens often experience intense emotions because the part of their brain responsible for processing emotions matures faster than the part that regulates them. As parents, understanding this can help us guide our teens to open up, manage their emotions, and recognize that while their feelings are valid, their responses are within their control.
One of the biggest realizations for parents of teens is that we need to find new ways to communicate with them. Gone are the days of toddler and young child discussions about finding missing shoes or the school backpack. For teens, conversations become critical tools for developing critical thinking skills, learning to manage emotions, expressing themselves, and standing up for their beliefs and values. It is important for them to know that they deserve to have their opinions heard if they choose to share them. With so much growth happening, what is a parent to do?
First, listen to your teen. As much as you may want to solve their problems, let them talk it out. Listen with curiosity, ask questions, and then ask another. This approach fosters open communication and helps teens develop problem-solving skills. It also reinforces the idea that they are heard and valued, which is essential in strengthening your relationship with them.
Another challenge teens often face is learning to say “no.” While parents are familiar with setting boundaries for their teens, it is equally important to encourage teens to set their own boundaries. Helping your teen feel capable of saying “no”—whether to peer pressure, social situations, or personal discomfort—is crucial. Sometimes, adding “my parent said so” can be an easy way for them to exit a difficult situation without escalating conflict. As parents, having this discussion with your teen can empower them to feel more confident in their decisions.
Privacy is another topic that can be difficult for parents and teens to navigate. As teens grow, they may desire more privacy and may not share everything with their parents. This is normal and healthy. However, it is important to strike a balance between respecting their privacy and maintaining parental oversight. Snooping on their phone just to get the latest gossip is not okay, but if you are genuinely concerned about something, it should be addressed through an open and honest discussion. Together, you and your teen can examine their phone and talk about any concerns. Establishing clear expectations about privacy while reinforcing family values can help create trust and security.
Ultimately, as parents, we want our teens to come to us when they have a problem. We want to be their safety net—the person who will listen, help, and intervene when needed. The teaching moment comes after the crisis, not in the middle of it.
Teens are growing, changing, and defining who they are—and this is exactly what we want as parents. Our role is to provide the guidance and safety net they need while allowing them the space to develop into independent, confident individuals. Give yourself the opportunity to embrace this journey, knowing that your presence, patience, and support will make all the difference.