“While technology is important, it’s what we do with it that truly matters.” ( Muhammad Yunus).
On average, teens are online nine hours a day not including time spent on homework. That number can feel staggering, but it reflects a digital world where our teens’ lives are increasingly intertwined with screens. Social media, in particular, isn’t just a pastime; it’s a stage where identity, belonging, and validation are constantly being shaped. For teens, likes and comments can feel like currency. For parents, this is both a challenge and an opportunity to guide their teen in understanding how social media works and how it can work for them.
The like button, for example, seems harmless at first glance. It is, after all, just a way to engage with someone’s post. But beneath the surface, it often acts as a barometer of popularity, a quick measure of worth. For teens, it becomes less about sharing a moment and more about testing how well they measure up. A picture that doesn’t “perform” can leave them feeling invisible. This pressure to collect likes is subtle, but over time, it reinforces a dangerous narrative that self-worth is tied to digital applause. We need to counteract that narrative as parents with discussions and reinforcing our teen’s self worth and building their confidence.
This mindset is amplified by filters and editing apps. Research shows that by the time girls are 13, eighty percent have already used a filter or app to change the way they look. For boys, the pressure is different but no less significant: bulkier muscles, flawless skin, perfect lighting. The danger here is not only the pursuit of an unattainable image but the way it quietly erodes confidence. Social media convinces our teens that they need to alter who they are in order to be seen and accepted. When your teen regularly compares themselves to others, it creates a culture of everyone wanting to look “perfect”. The more they compare themselves to others the worse they feel. As parents we need to share that “comparison is the thief of joy”, and this comparison creates a vicious cycle of our teens comparing themselves to one another, and it is not healthy. Instead encourage your teens to offer compliments to each another to enjoy their friends for who they are and who they are becoming – not for the likes on social media. Reminding our teen that everyone is unique, valuable and brings that value to the table is important. We are individuals with our own unique talents that need to be celebrated.
Further as parents we play a crucial role in countering this trend, not just through conversation but through example. Every action we take—how often we scroll, how much we rely on our phones, how we talk about our own bodies and achievements—sends a message. Teens notice when adults are glued to their screens or obsess over online attention. The digital age has made the old saying “do as I say, not as I do” even less effective. Instead, we have to model the balance of social media and in person connection. That means demonstrating how to unplug, showing that in-person conversations matter more, and proving that self-worth exists outside a device.
Of course, modeling isn’t the only step. Social media itself needs to be put in perspective. The curated feeds our teens consume aren’t real life. Behind every perfect Instagram post is a series of retakes, edits, and careful staging. What looks like effortless beauty or success is often hours of preparation. When teens scroll through highlight reels of peers with flawless selfies, stellar transcripts, or endless awards, it can leave them asking, “What’s wrong with me?” The truth is, nothing is wrong with them—what’s wrong is the comparison itself. No one is posting their struggle to achieve success. What teen would post, “failed Algebra 2 but nailed it in summer school!”
Unfortunately, the pressure doesn’t stop with peers. Social media has shaped the way adults perceive teens as well. Parents, coaches, and even college admissions officers sometimes fall into the trap of expecting perfection. Rarely do we see a parent proudly post about a C grade, a missed goal, or a teen who is choosing trade school over college. Instead, we’re presented with an endless stream of achievements, which raises the bar for what feels “acceptable.” This distorted view creates a dangerous cycle where being average is equated with failure. However changing the narrative and use of social media is something parents can facilitate.
That’s why it’s important to remind our teens that their social media is not just a scrapbook of moments but a reflection of their brand. And here’s the part teens often don’t realize: that brand matters. College recruiters, admissions offices, and even future employers are looking at social media accounts. For a student-athlete, a TikTok filled with partying and flashy outfits doesn’t send the same message as one showcasing hard work, discipline, and team spirit. Recruiters want to see workouts, clips from games, snapshots of teamwork, and glimpses of a teen’s character on and off the field.
But this advice isn’t just for athletes. Every teen should think about what their social media says about them. Are their posts highlighting their creativity, perseverance, humor, leadership, or passions? Do their accounts reflect the kind of person they want to be seen as? Their digital presence is like a public resume, a collection of stories they’re telling about themselves. If the story is built on parties and selfies alone, it may not align with their long-term goals. If the story reflects values, talents, and authenticity, it becomes an asset.
Helping teens see social media as their brand can be a powerful shift. It reframes the conversation from one of restriction (“don’t post that”) to one of empowerment (“what do you want people to know about you?”). This shift also connects to a broader life lesson: we all have the ability to control the narrative we share with the world. By encouraging teens to think about the story they’re telling online, we equip them with a sense of agency and responsibility.
Of course, this doesn’t mean social media should only be about achievements and polished moments. Authenticity matters too. Teens can post about challenges they’ve overcome, small victories, or the behind-the-scenes work that makes a big accomplishment possible. Balance is key: let their accounts be real, but also intentional.
While we’ll cover privacy in more detail in a separate discussion, it’s worth noting here that branding also requires boundaries. A post that overshares personal details, discloses location, or compromises safety undermines the very brand a teen is working to build. The best brand is one that reflects both confidence and wisdom.
At the heart of all this, we must keep perspective. Social media is not going away, and for many teens, it’s a central part of how they communicate. The goal isn’t to demonize it but to guide them in using it wisely. When teens learn to see social media as a tool rather than a mirror, they reclaim control. They can post with purpose, resist harmful comparisons, and let their accounts reflect their values rather than their insecurities.
Social media has the power to amplify both the best and the worst in us. For teens, the challenge lies in recognizing the difference. The ever-evolving digital world is one which we, as parents, must paint a picture of balance, connection, and self-worth. It is important for our teens to be in control of their screen time. We need to teach our teens that real-world connections take precedence over virtual interactions. I know many video games where teens meet up with their friends to go on a quest or fight a battle. That should not be their entire friend group. Our teens also need in-person human interaction. As we guide them, let’s remember that the journey is not about preaching, but demonstrating. It’s about setting an example that amplifies our words, empowers our teens, and resonates far beyond the confines of screens and gadgets.