Children are the living messages we send. (John W. Whitehead).
Parenting is the long game. I know at times we wish we could sprint to the finish line, but is there really an end to parenting? From the moment we hold our child for the first time, we step into a role that never truly concludes. Parenting is something we do throughout our lives, but the style in which we parent evolves as our children grow and as we grow. It is a dynamic process, a constant evaluation of what works, what doesn’t, and what might someday be appreciated. Though let’s be honest, is a consequence ever appreciated by either side? Yet, we forge ahead, knowing that the lessons we teach, the boundaries we set, and the love we pour into our children create a foundation that shapes their future.
There are moments when it feels like all of our guidance, our wisdom, and even our well-intentioned lectures fall on deaf ears. The eye rolls, the sighs, the exasperated “I know, Mom” or “I get it, Dad” can make us wonder if any of it is sinking in. But the truth is, it is. Maybe not in the moment, maybe not even in the next year, but the seeds of our influence are planted deep. The values we instill, the discipline we enforce, and the compassion we demonstrate will manifest in ways we may not see immediately. And that is the essence of the parental legacy we are not just raising children, we are shaping the adults they will become.
Parenting teenagers is its own unique challenge. They are pushing for independence, testing boundaries, and figuring out who they are. It’s easy to feel like we’re losing our grip, that they no longer need us as they once did. But in reality, they need us now more than ever. They need our steadiness, our consistency, and our reassurance that even when they stumble, they have a foundation to return to. We are their compass, guiding them through the tumultuous seas of the teenage years. Even when they don’t acknowledge it, they are watching. They notice how we handle stress, how we treat others, how we navigate conflict. They are absorbing lessons in resilience, empathy, and responsibility, not just from what we say, but from how we live.
One of the greatest challenges in parenting is the delayed gratification of knowing our efforts matter. When they are young, the feedback is immediate—a scraped knee followed by a hug, a bedtime story met with sleepy gratitude. But as they grow, the feedback loop stretches out. We set boundaries, enforce consequences, encourage good choices, and we don’t always see the immediate impact. Yet, years later, we hear them repeating our words, making decisions grounded in the very principles we fought so hard to instill. That moment, when they choose integrity over convenience, when they show kindness without expectation, when they persevere in the face of adversity, that is when we see the true depth of our influence.
As a parent, we wonder whether we are making the right choices or decisions when it comes to our teens. We have all second-guessed ourselves, and we were no different. I remember when we sent our youngest to a three-week-long music camp when she was just 12 years old. It felt like such a monumental decision. Was she too young? Would she be okay on her own? The worry was almost overwhelming, and I questioned whether we had made the right call. But that place became her second home. She made friends, discovered a deeper passion for music, and developed an independence that we never could have fully fostered at home. Years later, when she started college, she returned as a camp counselor, giving back to the place that had given her so much. Looking back, I realize that my concern for her well-being was well-intentioned, but her experience at camp was a pivotal moment in her growth. She found strength, resilience, and confidence in herself, and it was one of those moments that reinforced the importance of allowing our children to step into new experiences, even when we are afraid to let them go.
As parents, we also grow and change. We start out as protectors, meeting every need and shielding them from harm. Then we become guides, teaching them to navigate the world with increasing independence. Eventually, we shift into the role of mentors, offering advice but stepping back, allowing them to take the lead in their own lives. This evolution is not always easy. Letting go, trusting that they will make sound choices, accepting that they will make mistakes. It requires faith in the foundation we have built. It requires understanding that mistakes are not failures, but opportunities for growth. Our job is not to prevent every misstep but to equip them with the tools to learn from them.
And through it all, love remains the constant. The way we love our children changes, but its presence never wavers. When they are little, love is in the form of bedtime stories and scraped knee kisses. When they are teenagers, love looks like tough conversations, accountability, and sometimes stepping back so they can step forward. As they grow into adulthood, love takes the shape of quiet support, a reassuring presence, and the knowledge that no matter how far they go, they always have a home in us.
The legacy of parenting is not measured in perfect moments but in the small, everyday acts that shape character. It is in the way we listen when they need to talk, even when it’s inconvenient. It is in the patience we show when they test limits. It is in the forgiveness we offer when mistakes are made. And most importantly, it is in the unwavering belief we have in their potential, even when they cannot yet see it themselves.
There will be days when parenting feels exhausting, when the weight of responsibility is overwhelming. There will be times when we wonder if we are getting any of it right. But rest assured, the impact we have as parents extends far beyond what we can see in the moment. We are not just preparing them for the challenges of today. We are nurturing the leaders of tomorrow. We are shaping individuals who will go on to make a difference in the world, not by demanding perfection, but by modeling perseverance, compassion, and integrity.
So, as we continue this journey, let us embrace it with patience, love, and an understanding that our influence stretches beyond today. The words we say, the lessons we teach, the love we give it all becomes part of who they are. Parenting may not have a finish line, but what we build within our children will last for generations to come. That is the true legacy of parental influence.