Growth isn’t about perfection; it’s about creating the best version of yourself. (Desiree Panlilio).
The holiday season offers a unique moment to pause, reflect, and consider how far we’ve come over the past year. “Silent Night” is a song that brings comfort to many, and the astonishing fact that it has been recorded nearly 750 times serves as a reminder that even the most familiar things are constantly changing. Each version of the song brings something unique, a new style, a fresh perspective—just as we all grow and evolve in unique ways. While some versions might be rough and others timelessly beautiful, every rendition contributes to the larger story of the song. In much the same way, our personal growth, with its ups and downs, shapes us into better versions of ourselves.
As parents, this time of year is an opportunity not only for our own reflection but also to help our teens look back at how they have grown. Being a teen is a whirlwind of change, and teens often struggle to find a solid sense of identity. One day they may identify with a particular friend group or style, and the next, they may find themselves drawn to something completely different. These shifts are natural, even necessary, as they explore and define who they are and who they want to become. We can use this season of reflection to connect with them on this journey of self-discovery.
Encouraging teens to reflect on their growth helps them develop self-awareness, a key component of emotional intelligence. We can help them identify areas where they’ve made progress, overcome challenges, or achieved goals. A simple question—like asking them about the most challenging moment of the year—can be an excellent starting point. Teens may feel uncertain or self-conscious at first, but sharing our own reflections can make the conversation feel natural and collaborative. When they see us discussing our personal challenges, they learn that growth is an ongoing journey, not a finished destination.
For example, I’ve spent the past year working on a commitment to exercise regularly. For me, this involved adopting a runner’s mindset and making running a part of my routine. It hasn’t been an easy journey, and there were days when I could barely make it a short distance before feeling exhausted. But over time, through consistency and small improvements, running became something I looked forward to—a time I could reflect and focus on my goals. Sharing this story with teens opens a dialogue about how we work through difficulties and develop habits that shape us. It also shows them that growth doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a continuous process that requires patience and self-compassion.
As you talk with your teen, encourage them to think beyond academic or social achievements. Often, the most significant growth occurs internally, in areas like resilience, confidence, or self-understanding. Ask them what they’ve learned about themselves this year. Have they discovered new strengths or interests? Or maybe they’ve learned something valuable through a setback or a challenging friendship. By guiding them through these reflections, we help them build a foundation of self-awareness that will serve them well beyond high school.
For teens, growth isn’t always linear. They may go through phases, sometimes reverting to old habits or finding themselves stuck in familiar struggles. Remind them that it’s okay to revisit certain challenges, as each attempt helps them refine their approach. Growth can be messy and uncomfortable, but these experiences are shaping them into individuals who can handle the complexities of life with resilience. Like the many versions of “Silent Night,” each step they take contributes to a larger picture of who they’re becoming, even if some steps seem less polished than others.
As parents, it’s crucial to support this process with a gentle hand. While we may feel the urge to push them toward what we believe is best, it’s essential to let them find their own way. Our role is to create a safe space where they feel comfortable exploring who they are. When they make mistakes, we can offer guidance, not judgment. When they succeed, we can celebrate their efforts, recognizing the hard work that went into those achievements. This approach teaches them that personal growth is less about perfection and more about progress.
During these conversations, it’s helpful to discuss how personal growth isn’t about drastic, life-altering changes but rather small, meaningful steps. For instance, developing a habit, like staying organized or spending more time on hobbies they enjoy, can be an excellent goal for the coming year. These small actions, when pursued consistently, become the building blocks of character. By setting small, attainable goals, they can experience the satisfaction of personal achievement, which fuels their intrinsic motivation to keep improving.
Encouraging them to adopt a reflective mindset also gives them a tool they can carry into adulthood. Life will always present new challenges, and knowing how to pause, reflect, and assess a situation can make a significant difference. Teens who learn to look at their experiences through a lens of growth will be better equipped to handle whatever comes their way, seeing difficulties as opportunities to learn rather than obstacles.
Finally, as the year comes to a close, consider taking time to set goals together as a family. You might each share something you hope to work on in the coming year, creating an atmosphere of mutual support. These don’t need to be lofty resolutions; instead, focus on realistic, actionable intentions. Perhaps it’s committing to a regular family activity, developing better communication skills, or encouraging each family member to pursue a passion. This practice helps teens see that personal growth is a lifelong journey and that they’re never alone in striving to improve.
In the end, reflecting on growth is as much about self-acceptance as it is about self-improvement. It’s about acknowledging where we are, appreciating how far we’ve come, and looking forward to the journey ahead. For our teens, who are just beginning to understand themselves and the world around them, these reflections can be deeply affirming. They’re learning that growth doesn’t require them to be perfect; it simply requires them to be open, willing to learn, and brave enough to try again when things don’t go as planned.
So, as the familiar melody of “Silent Night” drifts through the air this season, let it serve as a reminder. Like the song, we are all versions in progress, each year adding new layers to our understanding and identity. And just as that song has brought comfort and connection to so many, may our support and encouragement help our teens find peace and purpose as they grow into the best versions of themselves.