Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. (Ray Romano).
Life happens, and even the most carefully thought-out schedules or plans can dissolve in a single moment of crisis or chaos. And that’s okay. Your teen may have every intention of completing their chore of taking out the garbage, but then a friend texts, asking if they understand the physics homework due tomorrow. In a flash, panic sets in: “What physics homework? I didn’t do any physics homework!” Taking out the garbage is now a distant priority, overtaken by the homework crisis. In this situation, we as parents might sigh, take out the garbage ourselves, and start thinking about what we do next. Here, what you choose to do can make a big difference in your relationship with your teen. Instead of holding it over their head, let it go. A conversation later could be a far more valuable moment to ask, “How did you miss that assignment?” or “Is there a way to better keep track of your homework?” The focus shifts from a forgotten chore to a problem-solving discussion that helps them see solutions, builds the relationship, and nurtures their critical thinking skills.
Another aspect of “life happens” is that teens’ priorities don’t always align with ours, and they don’t necessarily see things the way we do. Part of parenting is accepting that they aren’t likely to fully “get it” until adulthood. Right now, they’re still learning about responsibility and accountability, so it’s natural that our priorities might look a little foreign to them. Rather than expecting them to automatically see the world through our lens, we can give them grace. By sharing our own priorities and why they matter, we provide a window into how we think and why we make the choices we do. This openness is essential; it’s an opportunity to develop their critical thinking skills and improve communication, making way for conversations that strengthen your relationship and bridge that tricky parent-teen divide.
It’s also helpful to recognize that sometimes, *we* as parents have our own “life happens” moments. Maybe we’re running 15 minutes late to pick them up, or we forgot to buy that item they needed for school. If you’ve adopted a “life happens” attitude toward your teen, they’ll likely respond with understanding when the roles are reversed. By modeling grace in these situations, we teach them that not only are mistakes okay, but they’re also part of learning to be more organized, dependable, and compassionate—both toward others and themselves. This reciprocal “life happens” approach lets both parent and teen know that it’s okay to be human.
Our actions have a powerful influence on our teens, whether they’re aware of it or not. Despite the eye rolls and groans, we are their biggest role models. The way we handle our own chaotic moments or unexpected hurdles is how our teens will learn to approach their own. When we show calmness, flexibility, and compassion, they absorb those lessons, learning to face their own challenges with resilience and poise. So, as you navigate this unpredictable journey of parenting a teen, keep in mind that every moment of chaos can be a teaching moment—not just for your teen, but for you, too.