Parenting is not a competitive sport. (Desiree Panlilio).
Like you, I enjoy my time watching Instagram and TikTok. But I have to share that one post caught my attention: “80% of the time we ever spend with our kids is over by the time they turn 18.” Wow. I had to read that again, and then I had to think about what that sentence meant. Do you agree or disagree? I think that is something for you to consider, but what the statement does make me reflect on is that the time I have with my children during their early years is both limited and invaluable. Recognizing this can encourage parents to prioritize meaningful interactions, fostering stronger relationships and positively influencing their children’s development.
I realized that what I needed to do was a self-assessment on my parenting. Have I created meaningful interactions with my children? Have I built the relationship that I want with them as they grow, start lives of their own, and create their own pathway in life? I will share that I have created some fun memories and, like every parent, some not-so-good memories. The past cannot be changed, but we can acknowledge, learn from, and even apologize for moments that might not have gone as we wished. Parenting is an evolving journey, and reflection is an essential part of growing alongside our children.
If I could share one detail with parents today, it would be this: do not give in to peer pressure. Not the peer pressure our teens experience, but the pressure we as parents place on each other. Too often, it seems that parenting becomes a competition, a comparison of achievements—”Look at what my child did and yours did not.” I have pushed hard against that, choosing instead to help and encourage my teens to find their own way. I think of all the social media posts during the college acceptance period. Parents proudly posting their teen’s acceptance letters, sharing their child’s achievements, sometimes unintentionally making it seem like a measure of parenting success. But here’s the thing: the accomplishment belongs to the teen, not the parent. It is their story to share, their journey to own, and their success to celebrate however they choose.
Too often, we fall into the trap of measuring our success as parents by our children’s milestones in comparison to others. Instead, what we need to do is be the best parent we can be for our own child. Prioritizing meaningful interactions with our teens, making sure they understand their worth and importance—not just to us but to the world—is what truly matters. The pressure to compete with other parents can overshadow the beauty of raising a child who is uniquely themselves, growing and developing at their own pace, with their own dreams and aspirations.
Life is not a competition, no matter how much some parents make it out to be. Instead, life is about lifting each other up, recognizing each person’s individual journey, and supporting our children in becoming the best versions of themselves. Success as a parent is not measured by external achievements, awards, or college acceptances—it is measured in the strength of the relationship we build with our children, the values we instill, and the confidence we help nurture in them as they forge their own paths.
Every moment we spend with our children is an opportunity to build that relationship, to encourage their independence while reminding them they are deeply loved and supported. The time may feel fleeting, but the impact we have as parents extends far beyond the years they spend under our roof. It is in the lessons they carry forward, the resilience they develop, and the knowledge that they can always turn to us—not because we are competing with other parents, but because we are committed to being there for our own children in the ways that matter most.