“The digital world is now the real world, and it’s time we started treating it that way.”
(Tristan Harris).
Parenting felt simpler when our children were small. We arranged the playdates, chose the shows, and hovered nearby to keep them safe. Now those same children are teenagers, eager for privacy, autonomy, and independence. We want those things for them, too. But in the digital age, the question of how much independence is safe—especially online—becomes complicated. Technology, social media, and now artificial intelligence have reshaped how our teens connect with the world. Along with opportunity, these tools bring risk. For parents, the challenge lies in balancing respect for privacy with the responsibility to protect.
When it comes to technology, safety and privacy must be at the center of our conversations. Social media can feel like a second home to teens, but one where strangers can enter unnoticed. AI can be a fascinating tool, but it is no substitute for human connection. And privacy settings, when left untouched, can leave teens wide open to risks they may not even realize exist. These are not one-time conversations; they are ongoing discussions, shaped by growth, trust, and evolving technology.
A recent study revealed that 39% of teens have never adjusted their privacy settings. That means anyone, friends, acquaintances, even strangers can see not only what they post, but where they are. Over time, this creates a trail of information that can be monitored, predicted, or even manipulated. Many teens don’t intentionally overshare; they simply don’t realize how visible their lives are online. A simple decision, like allowing an app to share their location, can become an open invitation for unwanted attention. This is why parents need to ask: Do you know every person you share your location with? Have you met them in person? What’s your criteria for deciding who to friend? These questions are not invasions—they are safety checks.
The reality is that teens are vulnerable, no matter how confident their “I know” or how dramatic their eye roll may be. They lack the life experience to always recognize red flags. As parents, it’s not about controlling every digital move; it’s about teaching discernment. A location setting should never be left wide open. Friends lists should be curated with care. And every post should be considered through the lens of the future, not just the moment.
I had a golden rule for my own teens: don’t say anything online you wouldn’t want plastered on a billboard in Times Square with your face next to it. At first, it sounded extreme. But was it? In an age where screenshots travel faster than apologies, where one post can spiral into drama or worse, it’s a realistic reminder that the internet never forgets. Helping our teens internalize this lesson can save them from missteps that linger long after the laughter fades.
Oversharing doesn’t just expose teens to embarrassment—it can invite danger. Strangers can morph into threats with a few clicks. The more personal details a teen reveals, the easier it becomes for someone to manipulate them. Teaching our teens to value privacy settings, to avoid disclosing locations, and to limit personal details online is not paranoia—it’s protection. The less information they share, the more control they have over their own narrative.
It’s also worth discussing the boundaries of social media exposure as a family. What feels comfortable to one household may not to another. Some families may decide not to post group photos with locations tagged. Others may agree that last names, school names, or team uniforms should be kept private. These aren’t just rules for the teen—they’re values the family adopts together. And as parents, we must model the same care online that we expect from our children.
Sensitive information is another area where teens need guidance. Names, addresses, phone numbers, social security numbers, passwords, financial details—these may sound like obvious no-gos. Yet the internet is teeming with scams and scammers skilled at luring this very information out of unsuspecting users. Even something as simple as a fun quiz (“What’s your first pet’s name?”) can double as a data-mining trick for hackers. Teaching teens to pause before sharing is a safeguard against both identity theft and emotional manipulation.
But privacy isn’t just about safety from outsiders. It’s also about preserving peace of mind. When teens overshare, they open themselves up to gossip, judgment, and comparison. Every post becomes an opportunity for someone else to weigh in. Stepping back, protecting certain parts of their lives, can give teens a sense of calm. It helps them define themselves on their own terms, not through the reactions of hundreds of online “friends.” Privacy can be empowering.
This isn’t to say the conversation will always be easy. Talking about social media with teens can feel like a tug-of-war, with wins and losses on both sides. Some days they’ll nod and agree; other days they’ll resist. But what matters is keeping the line of communication open. Frame these conversations within your family’s values. Make it clear that privacy rules aren’t about limiting independence—they’re about ensuring safety, preserving mental health, and protecting dignity.
Then there’s AI. For many teens, it feels like magic: ask a question, get an answer. Use it for school, for fun, even for advice. But here lies another danger. AI can be a tool for information, but it cannot provide emotional support. It doesn’t understand the nuance of relationships, the backstory of a fight with a best friend, or the complexity of teen identity. Its responses are limited to what’s asked, and what’s asked may come from a place of hurt, anger, or fear.
This is where parents play a critical role in reframing AI. It’s not a replacement for connection—it’s a resource. When your teen is struggling, a conversation with you, a trusted adult, or a supportive friend is irreplaceable. A face-to-face talk, perhaps with ice cream in hand, can offer more comfort and clarity than any algorithm. By setting that expectation, you remind your teen that technology may be helpful, but people are essential.
In fact, it’s worth asking teens directly: who do you turn to when you’re upset? Where do you go for advice? If the answer leans heavily on AI or strangers online, it’s time to gently guide them back toward human connections. These moments don’t have to be lectures. They can be opportunities to listen, share stories, and remind your teen that while independence is growing, they are never alone.
Ultimately, the goal is not to demonize technology or strip away independence. It’s about teaching teens to use these tools wisely, to safeguard their privacy, and to protect their safety. It’s about instilling the habit of pausing before posting, of questioning before friending, of choosing discretion over exposure.
Technology is here to stay. Social media will continue to evolve. AI will only expand in influence. But safety, privacy, and trust are timeless. As parents, our job is to help our teens see that what they share matters, that their digital footprint can either empower or endanger them, and that the best kind of independence is the kind that comes with wisdom.
When our children were little, we held their hands to keep them safe. Now, as teens, the handholding looks different. It’s a conversation at the dinner table, a reminder before they head out the door, or a check-in after a tough day online. Privacy and safety in the digital age aren’t about control—they’re about love. And by keeping these conversations alive, we offer our teens the freedom to grow while ensuring they are protected in a world that doesn’t always protect them back.