Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle. (Christian D. Larson).
As a parent, you are not raising kids. You are raising adults. You are raising a friend, a spouse, future leaders, and change agents of the world. There’s a thought. No pressure, just the weight of the future resting in your hands. As dramatic as that sounds, as parents we are creating the future, and our responsibility is to nurture our children who will live a life of greatness within their sphere of influence. How do we do that? In a simple statement, we help to maximize our teen’s potential, which is done by growing their confidence.
In our goal to be great parents, we often shield and rescue our children from anything that is challenging, disappointing, uncomfortable, or makes them unhappy. In doing this, we disable them; we don’t help them develop the skills and resilience to overcome any of life’s uncomfortable events. I know we may call these events “failures.” I call them hurdles to success. It creates a growth mindset in our teens by helping them turn those setbacks into opportunities to learn and grow from them. This builds a reserve of knowledge and capabilities for them to use the next time your teen is faced with a hurdle. So instead of rescuing your teen, lean into the learning opportunities with them, help them discover their strength and ability to find the solution and execute that solution with you cheering them on in the background. Creating a growth mindset helps your teen realize that they are capable and can overcome situations that are frustrating, disappointing, and uncomfortable. It is an important way to develop their confidence.
What is an example of how to do that? Your teen comes home from school with a failing grade. As tempting as it is to engage the grade with the school (what parent doesn’t ask, “What extra credit can my teen do to improve their grade?”) or to blame your teen (who hasn’t said, “If you didn’t go to that party, you would have passed”). Instead, change the conversation. Ask your teen, “What is next? How are you going to improve that grade? What are your goals?” and maybe you have to help your teen create goals, or perhaps you need a teen life coach. By shifting the focus from blame or rescue to solutions and accountability, you’re empowering your teen to take ownership of their learning and development.
Next, let your teen know they are able to take risks. Encourage them to experiment and stretch a little further than is comfortable and safe. Let them experience hurdles under your roof where they can find support and guidance in processing the results and managing the consequences and emotions that come with not succeeding. This helps them learn how to make better decisions and move forward positively. Let them laugh at mistakes and feel the rush of accomplishment. Be their biggest cheerleader and mentor.
An example could be trying out for a different sports team, running for student office, or asking someone out for a date. Celebrate the risk in participating and the outcome in the growth your teen experienced in taking the risk. By celebrating their courage rather than just the outcome, you’re reinforcing the importance of effort and resilience. This mindset will help your teen develop a strong sense of self-worth and a willingness to face challenges head-on.
Another critical aspect of raising confident and capable adults is teaching them how to handle failure constructively. Failure isn’t the end of the road; it’s a detour that offers valuable lessons. When your teen experiences failure, guide them through the process of reflecting on what went wrong and identifying what they can do differently next time. For example, if your teen doesn’t make the varsity soccer team, help them evaluate their preparation and performance. Perhaps they need to attend more practices, work on specific skills, or manage their time better. By framing failure as an opportunity to learn and grow, you’re teaching your teen to approach challenges with a positive and proactive attitude.
In addition to fostering resilience and a growth mindset, it’s important to help your teen develop a sense of independence. Encourage them to take on responsibilities and make decisions on their own. This might include managing their own schedules, handling their finances, or planning their extracurricular activities. By giving them the freedom to make choices and experience the consequences, you’re helping them build confidence in their ability to navigate the complexities of life. Of course, this doesn’t mean abandoning them to figure everything out on their own. Your role as a parent is to provide guidance and support while allowing them the space to grow and learn.
Let them know they are able to handle future situations. When new situations are presented, and as your teenager gains confidence, listen with curiosity, ask questions, and help your teen to see and understand consequences. Encourage your teen to use the skills and tools they are accumulating with your encouragement. This is where the magic happens—when your teen begins to see themselves as capable, resourceful, and ready to face life’s challenges. They start to take ownership of their journey and embrace the idea that they have the power to shape their own future.
Another way to build confidence and resilience is by fostering a sense of purpose in your teen. Help them explore their interests, passions, and values. Encourage them to set meaningful goals that align with their aspirations. When teens have a clear sense of purpose, they are more motivated to work hard and persevere through challenges. For instance, if your teen is passionate about environmental conservation, support them in finding volunteer opportunities, joining clubs, or starting projects related to that cause. By helping them connect their actions to a larger purpose, you’re instilling a sense of responsibility and commitment that will serve them well throughout their lives.
It’s also important to model the behavior you want to see in your teen. If you want them to develop a growth mindset, show them how you handle challenges and setbacks in your own life. Share your experiences of overcoming difficulties and the lessons you’ve learned along the way. By demonstrating resilience, adaptability, and a positive attitude, you’re providing a powerful example for your teen to follow.
Additionally, create an environment at home that fosters open communication and trust. Encourage your teen to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without fear of judgment or criticism. When your teen feels heard and understood, they are more likely to seek your guidance and support. This foundation of trust is essential for helping them navigate the ups and downs of adolescence and beyond.
As a parent, it’s easy to get caught up in the desire to protect your child from harm and ensure their success. However, it’s important to remember that true growth and confidence come from facing challenges, taking risks, and learning from experiences. By providing your teen with the tools, support, and encouragement they need, you’re helping them become confident, capable young adults who are ready to shape and change their world.
Raising adults is about more than just meeting their basic needs or ensuring their academic success. It’s about nurturing their character, fostering their resilience, and equipping them with the skills they need to navigate life’s challenges. By focusing on their growth, confidence, and independence, you’re not only preparing them for the future but also strengthening your relationship with them in the present. Remember, you’re not just raising kids; you’re raising the leaders, innovators, and change-makers of tomorrow. Embrace the journey, and watch your teen thrive.