Shift your energy to what you can create. You are the author of your story, create it, and star in it. (Desiree Panlilio)


– Desiree Panlilio


I am a believer in positive affirmations. I have my clients come up with personalized positive affirmations that help them to change what they think about who they are. The question may be, why do I do that?

Research has shown that as much as seventy-seven percent of everything we think is negative, counterproductive, and works against us. As our teens are growing up they are often told “no” by us, their parents. As parents we often tell our children what they can not do. We do this to help our children to be safe, and to teach them how to behave and interact in our larger community and the world. It is not that we are bad parents. We are raising incredibly strong children that will go out and do amazing things in the world. What we did not realize was that while we were doing this we were also inadvertently undermining our teen’s self esteem and self worth. Over time this undermines our teen’s confidence. Our teens struggle with a sense of who they are, and that maybe they could not do something. Part of it is that victim mentality, and part is the fear of failing again. They do not want to be told “no” or not to do something. Our teen will become what they most believe about themselves, that maybe they don’t measure up. Your teen has created a wall, and if we are honest, a number of adults also have the same wall that stands invisibly but powerfully between us and our unlimited futures for as long as our old programming remains in force. Unless the programming we received is erased or replaced with different programming, it will stay with us permanently and affect and direct everything we do for the rest of our lives.

As a teen life coach I encourage teens to create positive affirmations and positive self talk. I do this because the brain simply believes what you tell it most. And what you tell it about you it will create. It has no choice. An example is always helpful. Think of your daughter who early in elementary school tries to play soccer and misses kicking the ball and the teacher tells your daughter she is not athletic and can not play soccer. That moment sticks and your daughter is now convinced they are not athletic and never tries out to play another sport. It is one of those moments that creates the image your daughter carries with her. Now in college your daughter is encouraged by friends to come play a fun soccer game and she is able to participate. A moment where your daughter realizes that her self talk beforehand had been negative and she has a shift. However what if the self talk was changed to being positive.

That is something as parents we can help with and help our teens see their potential. Instead of saying “no” , allowing our teen to try something and then focusing on the success, even if they fail, builds their self esteem and resilience, which is what we want. Encouraging our teen to have positive affirmations and positive self talk empowers your teen at moments when they are facing negative peer pressure, and that is what we all want as parents.

It is important for our teens to find ways to build their own self-esteem and self-confidence. Building and growing these traits ensures that our teens will be confident adults willing to move out of their comfort zone to try new things and build the success and future that they want.

This year help your teen create the story they want to star in. Create goals, write down positive affirmations, celebrate the accomplishments of your teen. Help them to realize their potential.