Judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. (Nelson Mandela)
Parenting is a rollercoaster of epic proportions, complete with heartwarming moments and eye-rolling episodes. Yet, during this ride, there’s a profound truth we must embrace – leaders are not born; they’re crafted. As parents, we carry the responsibility to shape the future leaders of our community and society. The eye-rolls and “I know everything” declarations from your teen may be disheartening at times, but here’s the twist: you are your teen’s biggest role model, their guiding star. Although teens are masters of rebelling and being contrary, your role as a parent looms larger than life. You’re shaping not just their present, but also the architects of their future. Daunting? Absolutely. But the power of your influence is immeasurable. Our teen’s watch and evaluate everything we do and if it aligns to what we say. In the words of Nelson Mandela, “Judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” resonates with me as a parent and teen life coach. Our role as a parent is not to shelter our teens from failure, but to empower them to embrace it as an opportunity for growth and watching us role model our response to our own failures is vital for your teen to learn and understand resilience and grit.
As parents, we lay the very foundation upon which leadership skills will flourish. Our journey begins with communication, the lifeline that connects you and your teen. Engage them in discussions about situations, goals, objectives, and the consequences. Encourage them to critically assess situations, utilizing their existing knowledge while also uncovering what lies beyond their current understanding. Understanding that your teen may pick the wrong pathway and failure will happen, here is an opportunity to build your teens skills to recover and thrive in face of the failure. A strong leader understands failure but does not let it stop progress but in fact encourages them to find another pathway to that success.
In being a leader, effective communication skills are vital. It is how ideas flow, teams unite, and vision becomes reality. As parents, we have a pivotal role in nurturing this skill within our teens. Engage them in conversations that explore not just success stories, but the challenges they’ve faced. Encourage them to share their experiences of faltering and regaining their footing. By having these honest discussions about failure, we impart the understanding that failure is an intrinsic part of the journey. We can all admit the emotions and frustration with failure is real and for our teens it is a heightened emotion as they strive to understand that they must take responsibility for the failure and not assume the victim in the situation. Teens need to see that failure is not a detour, but a stepping stone that forges character and resilience. In acknowledging their failures, we teach our teens that leadership isn’t about avoiding pitfalls, but about navigating them with courage and determination. As a parent it is important for teens to hear, or watch us navigate our own failures and help them to understand the opportunity we found in our own failure.
The journey of a leader is marked by empathy, the ability to understand, relate, and inspire. Developing empathy is a skill and something we need to give to others but also give to ourselves. Our teens must learn to empathize with their own struggles, to recognize that their journey, like any leader’s, will have hurdles to overcome and that the learning that takes place in those moments helps to build their leadership, communication, empathy and critical thinking skills. As their parents we must also embrace their failures/hurdles, encourage them as their role model and mentor on stumbling through and finding a pathway through the failure. We can all admit failing, and “owning” that failure is difficult for us. As adults, it is much easier to be a victim than to take responsibility. Role model taking that responsibility, and the outcome makes it easier and acceptable for our teen to do just that.
As parents, we embody the spirit of resilience, because let’s face it, we’ve progressed from the age of crustless sandwiches (apparently a must for gourmet toddler palates) to the teenage era where somehow not making sure all shirts are clean all the time is entirely our fashion faux pas. So when teens falter, when the gap between their expectations and reality widens, we become the sturdy pillars that support them, to teach them resilience. Our parenting role isn’t just to applaud their achievements; it’s to lift them when they stumble, to encourage them when they’re disheartened, and to guide them toward a higher purpose. In these moments, we teach them that true leaders aren’t defined by their failures, but by their unwavering determination to rise again. We help them internalize the wisdom that the measure of their leadership isn’t solely in their successes, but in their ability to confront adversity, learn from it, and emerge stronger and more determined.
The journey of nurturing leaders isn’t about creating a facade of perfection; it’s about instilling a spirit of resilience. As parents we are entrusted with the task of being our teens biggest cheerleader, mentor, and coach and celebrating achievements, and listening as your teen responds to challenges. Our teens must learn that setbacks are not a reflection of inadequacy, but a testament to their pursuit of growth. That it is not the fall that matters but it is the rising again with the resilience to learn and grow from failure. Afterall Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail as a political prisoner. When Nelson Mandela was released from jail he was not angry. Instead he emerged as a symbol of empathy and resilience and the catalyst for change in South Africa. His leadership skills helped to end the apartheid system in South Africa and establish a multiracial democracy, accomplishments of the spirit that were recognized by the award of the Nobel Peace Prize.