Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work. (C.S. Lewis).

Parenting is a concept that, when asked to define, conjures up a myriad of thoughts and reactions from many parents. Experts weigh in on parenting styles, and while some believe that one style is significantly better than another, I maintain that certain parenting styles are more effective than others. I have written on that topic before. What is universally true is the importance of being our children’s biggest cheerleader, mentor, coach, and voice of reason or alternate perspective. These elements are fundamental in building our teens’ resilience, self-worth, and self-esteem. But what exactly do these roles entail?

Being your teen’s biggest cheerleader doesn’t mean always letting them be right or telling them they are perfect. It means cheering them on, celebrating their successes, and supporting them through their disappointments. It’s about showing unwavering support and belief in their potential, even when they face setbacks. Cheering your teen on can take many forms. It can be attending their sports games, praising their efforts in school, or simply being there to listen when they need to talk. This support helps them build confidence and resilience. It’s important to let them experience both success and failure while assuring them that you are their biggest fan.

Mentorship goes beyond coaching. As a mentor, you share personal experiences, provide insight, and offer guidance based on your own life lessons. This relationship is built on trust and openness, where your teen feels comfortable seeking advice and learning from your experiences. Mentoring helps their teen navigate the complexities of life by offering wisdom and perspective. Whether it’s about making career choices, dealing with peer pressure, or understanding relationships, your role as a mentor is to guide them with empathy and understanding. This mentorship fosters a sense of security and helps them develop a grounded sense of self-worth. Even when your teen rolls their eyes while they are listening, they are absorbing and taking in your guidance.

Coaching, while similar to mentoring, focuses more on questioning your teen’s choices and responses, encouraging them to grow and become a better version of themselves. A coach helps their teen set goals, develop strategies to achieve them, and provides feedback on their progress. Coaching involves challenging your teen’s critical thinking skills and assumptions. It means asking probing questions that encourage them to reflect and consider different perspectives. This role is crucial in helping them develop problem-solving skills and self-reliance. As a coach, you are there to support their growth, not by giving them the answers, but by helping them find the answers themselves.

As parents, we often find ourselves being the voice of reason, providing an alternate perspective to our teens. This role involves challenging their viewpoints and helping them see situations from different angles. It can be difficult, as teens may resist having their perspectives challenged, especially when they are influenced from sources like social media. Being the voice of reason means engaging in thoughtful discussions, providing accurate information, and helping your teen develop a balanced and informed outlook on life. It’s about teaching them to think critically and question the validity of the information they encounter. This role is essential in helping them build resilience against the constant barrage of information they face daily. This also helps to teach teens to pause and assess the situation as we role model that behavior through this dialogue.

Parenting in today’s world presents unique challenges that previous generations did not have to contend with. The intrusive 24/7 lifestyle, driven by technology and social media, leaves our teens with little time to reflect and often bombards them with information that can cause self-doubt and confusion. As parents, we need to be actively involved in our teens’ lives, cheering, mentoring, and coaching them every day. It’s not enough to simply text them; we need to have meaningful conversations that help them build resilience and ensure that social media does not manipulate their self-worth, values, or self-esteem.

Active parenting means being present, both physically and emotionally. It means making it a priority to engage with your teen, understand their world, and provide the support, guidance, coaching, cheering and mentoring they need. This involvement is crucial in helping them navigate the challenges of modern life and emerge as resilient, confident individuals. So take a moment, take your teen for coffee, have a family game night and connect with your teen.